Change

came to realize that a lot of things have changed.
people at home, how we live now, how we talk and how things run.
or is it because i never really notice what's going on? Sometimes i wish i never knew, there are things which are better left unknown. No doubt.
but the thing is have I changed?

i want to know and i am dying to know. but wait does it even matter?
We are often told to move on and not to dwell in the past. but again, it is easier said than done. i have no idea why am i talking about this and i have totally no idea what made me write this.

i sometimes wonder, do i really love you? do i really wanna be with you? i hate this feeling. i hate to see the same thing happening again. does it mean that i should never fall in love again? Life is tough, as usual

iambackpeople

Alright, i am blogging again. After sooooo long, lol. Got no idea what has gotten into me, never thought that i'd ever start blogging again, maybe thanks to a stupid friend, at least blogging helps keeping track of what i feel all the time and what's happening etc. and i haven't been writing for quite some time ;/ didn't even finish 3 books during the last semester, it was too hectic, oh gosh im so glad that everything has came to an end and im gonna have a fresh start at uni soon :)

So, maybe i shall start with a brief summary of the year 2011 since i havent blogged EVEN ONCE. Um, went to Melb and i totalllllly love that place. Met a lot of nice people and my college life was pretty awesome, didn't do quite well academically tho...i procrastinated too much >.< especially during the second semester, anyways i am still glad i made it to my desired uni and course. heheee of course i have to thank God for giving me a chance to do what i want and chase for what i believe in, times and times, i felt like i'm about to give it up but in the end i made it. I wouldn't have made it this far without your help <3 Thanks again for everything :)

and yes, everything has changed, relationship wise. I shan't say too much coz i seriously do not know what;s happening next. Just hope that i know what i want and what's best for me. I don't wanna go wrong again >.<

andddd yeaa i'm back to Ipoh for more than a month now~ met up with the oldies and stillll love them <3<3 hhehe
Thats pretty much everything for now!

with love xoxo

humanity

why does God give us mouths? To talk bad about others? To lie? To hurt another being? Of course not, we human have misused this authority given by God, why do people like to backstab and talk behind someone? Is it that fun? Does that bring any happiness to you? im fcuking sure the answer is no. When u talk abd behind someone, most probably,its because u are jealous. Jealousy kills. This is so true, but yea this is humanity. These things happen all the time, and its not like we can control u see. All we can do is just stay cool,and dont fcuking care bout what the bitches say, we cant ask for the whole world to like us. and we're definitely not living for the others. we ARE living for ourselves. After all, its MY life, why should i fcuking let u interfere my life.im not gonna live up to u. life is too short for me to care bout what u think about me, which is totally stupid. im writing this just for my friends, who have been through these kind of shitty situations, which i myself have been through too. Yea, it hurts.but life still goes on , and our lives will be more beautiful if we just be ourselves, saw my friend blogging bout some kind of bad comments she received for committing something she certainly did not wish for, just hope you'll stand strong and be yourself.you dont have to please everyone, just know that we'll be here to support u. Lets make our dinner night a memorable one! 5S5 ROCKS ! :D

:/

Sometimes i wonder what do i actually yearn for? What do i want?
when i'm sitting for the exam, all i want is to be able to sit down and relax,to maybe watch my fav tv show, or just lie on the bed and read up something. but when the exam is finally over,i dont feel like doing anyting at all.i dont feel like talking to anyone.i just wanna be alone.
when i go for shopping,i just cant stop myself from spending money.i'll just be attracted to the beautiful stuffs.and yea i do go after branded stuffs.thats just very cool and its something which makes me feel happy.but then when i think over it, i think its just unnecessary.why should i spend my parents' hard-earned money?im gonna spend a lot more when i further pursue my studies, why should i spend it on something which will only bring me pleasure but not happiness?can branded stuffs bring me a bright future? definitely not.but hard work does.of course i can go after branded stuffs AFTER i learn how to earn as my mom always tells me that i should learn how to earn before i know how to spend.this is very true.so i guess what i want now is just plain happiness, and i should cherish every moment i spend with my family and friends here.i think im gonna miss Ipoh a lot.
talking bout my trials, sigh.i did not reach my target.maybe i din work hard enough?was really disappointed with my add maths paper 2.thought i could do better for add maths this time.but still,it let me down again.and the same goes to biology,what the hell is wrong with me? i made so many mistakes in paper 1.yea my friend i should be happy with my results, yea i got the ace, but the problem is that i made so many silly mistakes ,sometimes its nt just bout the ranking, its about..argh i dunno how to say , but im just kinda unhappy bout it.
and i was disappointed with my performance during driving lesson today.i had my first driving lesson yesterday, and today i was told that i was having percubaan? wth?i was kinda nervous at first, but luckily i passed the slope and parking all.gonna take the test in like 2 weeks time, hope i can get my license by then!!
thats probably all, bye peeps.

Once a guide, always a guide.

Yea, it's coming to the end finally.i've attended the Buddhist Society farewell this Wedn and gonna makan again during pingpong farewell next week.the next sat will be my last meeting in Ranger, meaning im putting a fullstop in my school guiding life soon.Yea, i do feel relieved cause its time to concentrate on my studies now.i used to blame that me being too active in koko delays my studies.i always complain that i have no time.im staying at school for 4 days out of the 5 school days.but one good thing, my mom never complained bout that.thanks for being my 24-hour on call driver ,mom XD but now when i try to think deeper, i think im gonna miss this life alot.i'll miss my life as a GirlGuide and Ranger ALOT.i couldnt believe that im retiring already.time flies.five years ago i was still a recruit studying and worrying for my tenderfoot test.and now im gonna retire with a whole lot of experience.if u ask me what have i learned from Girlguide? Firstly i learn to be a leader and to speak out.it was really a good experience and a training theatre for me.i was glad that im given the chance to lead the unit for the second time.its not easy to be a leader. Secondly, the sense of responsiility.when u are the leader, everyone will be looking at u.the way u handle situations and the crowd.an irresponsible leader will never be respected by the others.and lastly,i learned to work with others.ranger is like a family for me.you'll never be alone there.the strong bond between the committee and among the members were built up ever since we were assigned to the same patrol as early as in form 1 till now.and during the camps.it was a special bond which makes ppl feel so comfortable when hanging around the ppl.i was rewarded with the experience as the camp organising committee this year.it was a learning process for everyone,not only for the campers but for each and every organising committee.i was touched by the commitment given by my committee members and some of the camp Pls and campers.all the hardshipand effort hadpaid off :)our aim is to make the girls learn something and benefit from the camp, and we did it.lastly, i was really glad and grateful that i've joined girlguide as i have learned alot from it.it will always leave a footprint in my heart. AMC RANGERS AND GIRLGUIDE, WE ROCK!

Face

when i first looked at the essay title given by my teacher,i have no idea what to write at all as im not good at writing this kind of essay.so while i was wondering what to write,my grandpa's face popped up.my grandpa who has passed away when i was stil a primary student.his happy smiling face, angry yet emotionless face, i started to recall how he looked like.his eyes,his nose , his mouth, his blackened teeth due to nicotin.it has been six years.i've actually got used to his absence,but now i realized i still miss him alot.an essay which brings back alot of sweet and yet saddening memories.

Grandpa,i love and miss you forever.

wats my helling problem?

what the hell do i want? what more can i ask for?you guys were questioning me,what more do i want? why am i still not satisfied? but honestly, its not about you,its totally about ME only.im just trying to figure out my feelings for you,its so unfair for you if i just let it go on without being sure of my own feelings.its not about what you cant do or what you did wrong, you did nothing wrong and infact u treat me real good.maybe something has changed, or maybe there's this something that keeps me from feeling for you? i was wondering for the past two weeks.this question has been in my head for like 24 hours.its not good.at all.i couldnt really be muself.the litte things which used to make me happy for the whole day now has no effect at all on me.i dunno why.there's this soemthing im myheart that makes it heavier than usual,and im struggling to get rid of it. i know noone could help me, only myself could untangle myself from this.i know i should nt make the decision in a hurry.i just want it to be fair for both of us.and i hope that we will be honest with our feelings.i wanna make sure that we both feel the same way.its the most important part isnt it?